Normal

Today started off like any other normal day, well like any other normal Sunday. I woke up, relaxed a little, cleaned, did laundry and a friend came over for a little chat.

I also made plans that night with my friend, Karinna, to go and see The Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 2. Since it was opening weekend we thought it would be a good idea to get there early to buy the tickets. Once we bought the tickets we decided to go to a pub that was right by the theater to wait until the movie started.

We both enjoyed a drink and the extra time we had to catch up with each other. We then went and watched the movie which we both thoroughly enjoyed. It had been quite a fun night, but for some reason I had started to have these feelings of I wish I was "normal". Because if I was "normal" then I would be able to get married to a beautiful woman. I would be able to have my own children and I would be able to be looked at by others as "normal"

As I sit here writing this post I ponder on what normal is. What does normal look like?  What is normal and why do so many people, including myself, want to be "normal"? Last night I was watching a movie with some friends. We watched The Imitation Game, a movie that I had seen a few times before. It is a great movie. There is a scene in that movie that I wanted to share. Here is a short 2 min clip of it. Spoiler alert if you haven't already seen this movie. (Sorry about the subtitles, it is the only clip I could find)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ev1fhavHFOE

My desire to be "normal" is a feeling that doesn't seem to go away very easily. But this clip is an inspiring clip to me. As much as I can sometimes desire to be "normal" I realize that my differences make me who I am. I realize that living a very different life than most doesn't have to be a bad thing.

Being "normal" (whatever normal might be) doesn't mean that you will be happy. Happiness is a state of mind. With that said, and with Thanksgiving around the corner, I would just like to say that I am incredibly grateful for my family and friends and for the unconditional love I feel from you all. You all have made my journey in life that much easier and better.

Posts like these aren't the easiest for me to write because I can sometimes have a hard time opening up like this. In spite of that, I know this is helpful for me to put my feelings down in writing.

Here is to everyone being themselves, and to not worry so much about being NORMAL!!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone

This I Believe

I read a book called "This I Believe". The book is exactly what the title indicates. It has people's essays on what they believe. Lots of the essays include very prominent people and the beliefs that guide their lives. As I read this book I always told myself that I wanted to write one. So I thought I would attempt to write my own essay on what I believe.

Being born and raised in the LDS church my beliefs were always very clear. I went on a mission to even proclaim what I believed. After getting home from my mission and being home for a fews years I was eventually able to comes to terms with my sexuality. And in doing so my whole belief system ended up changing. For a few years I really struggled to know what to believe. Where do I go from here? What is the purpose of life? Did I still believe in God? Is there an afterlife?

I decided I wasn't going to get caught up in trying to figure everything out. No one has all the answers. We all live based on faith, hope or on the limited information that we are all given. So what do I believe in now?  I believe that life is hard. That life can be a struggle for myself and so many others around me. As such, I believe that I should do my very best to make the lives of others a littler easier. I believe that little acts of kindness can brighten someone's day. Being helpful, opening a door for someone, lending a helping hand or just being willing to listen to someone when they are having a bad day. I believe that even though some of these things might seem small and insignificant that we have no idea how it might help someone who is struggling. I believe that by helping others that you forget about your own troubles and it also helps keep life in perspective.

I also believe that life is supposed to be an adventure. People mention all the time to live life to the fullest. Well, what does that really mean? What is living life to fullest entail? I believe that living life to the fullest will be different for everyone. Living life to the fullest is finding what brings you joy and pursuing that. I have a passion for traveling and seeing new places and cultures and by traveling and pursuing this joy that I'm living life to the fullest. When I think of living life to the fullest I think of this quote by Hunter S. Thompson: "Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming 'Wow! What a Ride!'"

Lastly, I believe in trying to live life focusing on things that I can control and letting go of everything else. There is no point in getting worked up over things that we have no control over. I think the Serenity Prayer says it best: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." For me this is a daily attempt. I feel like with awareness and practice that I will be able to get better and better at this. This I believe...