Great Expectations

So about a month or two ago I went out to lunch with an amazing friend, Rebecca.  Our lunch was like many others we have had in the past. Great discussions, lots of laughing, and an incredibly good time.  During this occasion we had a discussion that has changed the way I look at things.

To briefly summarize what was talked about, Rebecca has been working on fixing problems with her estranged family.  She felt like she was justified in wanting an apology from her family for the way that they treated her, the way they have treated her for many years. Things weren't going to well and her husband told her that her expectations of what her family needed to do to rectify things were unrealistic.  Rebecca told me that she realized he was right.   (There is a lot more to this situation than what I have written about).  I haven't been updated on how her and her family are doing since we last talked, but at that time it sounded like things were getting better with her family.

After our great lunch I went home and I started to think about what we talked about.  As I started thinking about it more and more I felt like I had an epiphany.  I realized that any relationship that I had that wasn't up to par with what I wanted it to be was because of my own expectations of what I felt like it should be.  My relationship with my father was affected because of the expectation I had of what I believed he should be/do.  I started to realize that my expectations affected most of my relationships in some way, good or bad.

I continued to think about expectations and I also realized that I have let my expectations also affect my emotions.  When I think about times when I get frustrated or upset I realize it is because someone or something isn't living up to my own expectations.  I would get frustrated when my co-worker wasn't pulling her weight.  I would get upset because people wouldn't text me back, I mean it is only courteous to respond when being asked something, right?

Now when I start to feel upset, frustrated, or mad I try to step back and ask myself why am I feeling this way? More often than not it is because of my own expectations that I have about the situation.  I then ask myself "what benefit is it for me to hold onto this expectation?"  I am then able to release the expectation that I have.  This has been such an amazing realization that has really helped me from getting upset/frustrated or sad and helped me out with my relationships.  Rebecca, you are an amazing person and friend.  We have known each other for close to 20 years now, and I couldn't be more grateful that we are still great friends.