I've had something on my mind for quite a long time. I have had
certain reservations about sharing for many reasons, but ultimately I felt like
for my peace of mind I needed to write about it.
I can't seem to stop thinking about the way masculinity is viewed in this society. The way men are expected to act or to be seen as manly. Men crying, liking fruity cocktails, liking musicals, wants to be on a dance team etc. are seen as girly. It is scoffed at and I can't tell you the amount of "man shaming" that occurs when someone talks about having a fruity drink or whatever it is. What also makes it worse is that gay men, like me, are given a "pass" or it is just seen as 'oh well he is gay so it's okay'. Which then beckons the question - am I less of a man because of these things?
I can't seem to stop thinking about the way masculinity is viewed in this society. The way men are expected to act or to be seen as manly. Men crying, liking fruity cocktails, liking musicals, wants to be on a dance team etc. are seen as girly. It is scoffed at and I can't tell you the amount of "man shaming" that occurs when someone talks about having a fruity drink or whatever it is. What also makes it worse is that gay men, like me, are given a "pass" or it is just seen as 'oh well he is gay so it's okay'. Which then beckons the question - am I less of a man because of these things?
I know a group of men that pride themselves on the fact that they will never watch The Greatest Showman. Like it makes them more of a man for not wanting to watch it. You should hear the way they talk about it.
Up until just recently I didn't like musicals. I had completely convinced myself that they were boring, that they didn't have to sing the entire dialogue. I really believed I didn't like them even after coming out as gay. It wasn't until I watched The Greatest Showman and LOVED it that I realized what I had been doing subconsciously my entire life. I was looking for any type of an excuse for why I didn't like it. I couldn't like it because it wasn't manly. After falling in love with The Greatest Showman I decided I would start watching some classic musicals. For the very first time I watched Les Miserable, The Phantom of the Opera, I went to a play and watched Phantom at Hale Center Theater. I very much enjoyed watching them. And yet, how cliché of me, a gay man, to like musicals, right?
I actually don't care if others joke around with me for being the cliché gay man. For liking fruity drinks or musicals. My concern is for other men that are around that might feel demasculinized by these comments because they too like these things.
I've seen videos where mothers are telling their sons to stop crying because boys don't cry. It was comforting the way others poured their sympathy for the boys in those videos, but the sad truth is it still happens way too often.
The problem is that I see toxic masculinity all the time and all over the place. And to be completely honest I'm not innocent of this either. I recently caught myself telling a man to stop acting like a little girl, indicating he was anything but masculine. I caught myself the second I said it and I hated that I did say it. People might say "I'm only joking or I didn't mean it." But unfortunately these jokes really do impact how men see themselves. The way they subconsciously suppress their feelings or hide who they are because of it. My worry is that some might not realize that what they are saying diminishes ones sense of masculinity.
My main reservation about posting this is I know people that will read this might be guilty of what I'm talking about. But I really am not posting this to call anyone out nor shame anyone. I do want to put a spotlight on the issue. I've admitted I have been just as guilty of this. So I want to hold myself accountable so I don't make comments like I made earlier. That way I don't contribute to the toxic masculinity that is so rampant all around us.
