As I look back at the road that I have taken, and the fact that I have lived with so much fear that it seems like it was such wasted energy. I feel so much better now that I have come out. What was I so afraid of??
I guess I was afraid of a handful of things. I was afraid of what my sexual orientation would mean to me. I dreamed my whole life of growing up and getting married and having a family. I feared that it would never happen for me if I was gay. I feared what others would think of me. I feared what my family would do. One of my really good friends has a brother who is gay. When he came out to his parents he was told that, "I would rather have a drug addicted son than a gay son." Then they kicked him out of the house. After hearing about how this happened to someone I knew just made me fear what my family would do.
I am currently taking a Psychology of Gender class this semester and we watched this very interesting video. Here it is. I want you to watch it... or at least the first 5 mins of it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17u01_sWjRE
Wow... isn't this video crazy? Can you believe that this is how they viewed homosexuality back then? It was treated as a sickness by psychologists until the mid to late 70's. The only reason why I wanted to have you watch this video was because I had a fear that others would see me the way the video showed. I remember when I was coming out to Lisa, my oldest sister who has three kids, that I feared she wouldn't trust me around her kids.
I have been very lucky though. With the exception of just a very few friends, I have been shown great love and acceptance. Everyone I know has been so fantastic about it all. So the fear that I had about coming out is pretty much gone. I do still tend to fear that I will be alone the rest of my life, but that is something that I am working on.
My Aunt Linda started this great blog that you should check out. It is very well written and I think it is great. Here is the link http://talkless-feelmore.blogspot.com/
I have such a great support system and I am so grateful for that. I realize that coming out to my family or friends could have been a lot worse. That I could have lost a lot more friends or have my family disown me, but that isn't what happened. I am very grateful to you all for all your love! You guys mean the world to me.
Fear of the unknown seems to almost always be worse than the unknown itself. You're fortunate to be coming out today. It was a much different environment when I was your age. And I'm sure it will be even better twenty years from now. I'm glad you have fared so well.
ReplyDeleteI do get the fear of being alone. I'm convinced that's how I will end up.
Great post. I'm enjoying your blog. Keep it up!
Kevin, I am your #1 fan!
ReplyDeleteLove ya man!
ControllerOne, yeah you're right. Thanks, I enjoy writing on the blog. I don't feel like I am a natural writer so it takes me a bit.
ReplyDeleteThanks Colleen, You're amazing. That for all the support.
It's amazing how far along we have come when it comes to sexual orientation. It's unfortunate that people still think it is a sickness to be gay and that there is a cure. I think there should be a cure for those people. Do you still get nervous telling someone who you truly are? My child growth and development professor was one of my favorite professors I have had. Everyone loved him and would always look forward to his class. When he told the class that he was a trans-gender male there were a few people who walked out of his class. The saddest thing was those people are education majors which means they will most likely take their closed minded views into their classroom. I don't think people like that will ever go away (look at racism), but with more courageous and loving people like you maybe there is hope.
ReplyDeleteoh sorry, I wrote that ;] ... Natalie
DeleteI don't know how blogs work quite yet hahaha
Its okay Natalie, I am new to blogs too and I know what its like. But yeah, I still can get nervous telling someone about my sexuality depending on who it is I am telling.
ReplyDeleteThank you for all your support! You are a great friend!